LOVE IS SWEETEST WHEN IT IS MUTUAL

1. When you are not the only one putting in effort, you do it together

2. When you are not the only one initiating love making

3. When you kiss and get kissed back

4. When you are not the only one looking for and applying solutions

5. When you are not the only one praying

6. When you are not the only one initiating conversations

7. When you are not the only one sacrificing

8. When you are not the only one initiating physical touch and hugs

9. When you are not the only one opening up

10. When you are not the only one being faithful

11. When you are not the only one protecting the marriage

12. When you are not the only apologizing and forgiving

13. When you are not the only one growing

THE KEY TO GREAT SEX IS EMOTIONAL

Want great sex in your marriage? Then work on connecting emotionally

1. Make time to communicate to each other frequently

2. Speak to each other warmly and with courtesy

3. Check up on each other during the day with a brief chat, a warm text or a brief phone call

4. Apologize when you wrong to soothe your spouse’s emotional pain

5. Praise and compliment each other’s looks, voice, walking style, laugh, eyes. Make each other feel good about themselves

6. Laugh together. Yes, laughter is a great turn on

7. Talk about deep stuff, not just chores, responsibilities and bills

8. Make time for long heart to heart conversations and pillow talks

9. Flirt with your spouse and respond to your spouse’s flirts. Connect on the naughty highway

10. Solve issues quickly. Release the tension

11. Make each other comfortable to share sensitive secrets without feeling judged

12. Talk about sex, what works and what doesn’t; what you like and what you enjoy

13. Go out on dates, not to talk about issues but to make memories

14. Listen to each other. When your spouse feels heard, he/she gives the body easily

15. Appreciate each other more and complain less; it lures your spouse to you

16. Recap on your sexual experiences. Brag to your spouse how he/she does it. Give feedback

17. Share with each sexy content

Emotional intimacy leads to sexual intimacy

A GOOD WIFE IS GOOD FOR YOUR FINANCES

1. She will understand when you tell her “Darling, we don’t have money for that”

2. She will find female friends not to gossip with, but to save and invest with in a sacco or chama (merry go round)

3. She will contribute to the family finances instead of using her money on only herself

4. She will correct you on your bad financial practices as a husband

5. She will appreciate the work you do to provide

6. She will help you manage the cost of things bought in the home by getting good deals

7. She will see investment opportunities and be like “Honey, we need to consider investing here”

8. She will think with you about the long term financial security of the home

9. In case you lose your job or fall sick, she will not mind taking up more financial responsibility encouraging you to get back on your feet

10. She will tap into your financial strengths and cover your financial weaknesses with her strengths

11. She will not waste your hard earned wealth

12. In case she earns more than you, she will not make you feel useless as a man. Respect for a husband is not dependent on financial status

13. She is entrepreneurial. The Proverbs 31 wife

14. She spoils herself and pampers herself but within the limit

15. She will not push you to pay for a lifestyle the family cannot afford

16. She brings favour. As you love her, doors open in your career, purpose and finances

HOW TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOU

1. DO THINGS THAT YOUR SPOUSE ENJOYS

Don’t just think about what you like when you are together, consider your spouse

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS

Being argumentative makes your spouse not look forward to being near you. Not everything has to be a fight

3. MAINTAIN GOOD HYGIENE

Sometimes your spouse can keep off being near you because of sweat or foul smell

4. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SPOUSE’S EMOTIONS

It will be difficult to be physically close if you two are not emotionally close. You become emotionally close by apologizing when you wrong, hearing your spouse and speaking with kindness and love

5. BE HUMOROUS

Being around you should often be fun. Be playful, cheeky, not taking everything personal

6. RESPOND TO YOUR SPOUSE’S ADVANCES

When your spouse flirts with you, flirt back. When your spouse hugs you, don’t be rigid. Continue the dance your spouse starts

7. GIVE ATTENTION

If you will be with your spouse physically but appear distracted by your phone, the TV, work or other matters; your spouse will feel unwanted and not look forward to your company

8. BE EQUALS

Relate with your spouse not like a parent to a child, a mentor to a mentee, a boss to an employee, a pastor to a congregant; but as a friend, as a partner

9. DON’T OVERREACT

When you blow things out of proportion, when you seem easily triggered and you turn conversations to something difficult or blow up when you hear something unpleasant; your spouse will feel as if he/she is walking on egg shells. It will be a tense environment that no one likes

INFIDELITY IS NOT THE ONLY WAY TO HURT YOUR SPOUSE

Cheating is not the only way to break your spouse’s heart. Below are others ways you could be hurting your spouse

1. Making decisions on your own and not being accountable

2. Not spending quality time with your spouse making him/her feel neglected and rejected

3. Denying your spouse sexual pleasure for a long time

4. Talking rudely to your spouse with the wrong tone, with insulting words and shouting

5. Making bad financial choices that cost you as a family

6. Withholding appreciation and compliments just because you have grown too familiar with your spouse

7. Exposing your spouse’s weaknesses and flaws to your friends and family

8. Breaking promises made and not showing concern

9. Speaking badly about your spouse to the children

10. Discouraging or fighting your spouse’s dreams

11. Giving your spouse silent treatment

12. Being insensitive to your spouse’s feelings

13. Wanting only your needs to be met and opinions considered

A FEW TRUTHS ABOUT SEX POSITIONS

1. There are many sex positions. Experiment. Try them. You are to be married for years to that one person, have variety between you two

2. Your Godliness is not determined by your sex position. You are not more Godly just because you as a married couple do one sex position than other married couples who do several

3. Sex positions are all about two things: The visual display of your spouse in a manner that excites you (for example, some men prefer doggy style because they love the look of the butt) and the stimulation on the penis and the vagina (for example, some women would feel a different sensation during missionary than during wheelbarrow because of the positioning and angle of the penis as it rubs inside the vagina)

4. It is a crime to stay for years with your spouse without knowing his/her favourite sex position

5. If you did discover your favourite sex positions perhaps with your ex/exes before finding your spouse, communicate how you like it to your spouse with this information. Make it easy for your spouse

6. Don’t pretend you are enjoying love making yet there are certain sex positions you would like to experiement with your spouse

7. Just because you had a sexual past doesn’t mean your sexual taste is fixed. Open up your mind to new experiences with your spouse, you might end up liking new sexual positions

8. Moaning informs your spouse that the sex position is enjoyable to you

9. As long as both of you are open and comfortable with it, experiment on new sex positions. Don’t be monotomous. Don’t be rigid. Spice up your marriage

10. When your spouse declines to try out a sex position you suggest, respect him/her, keep the love going, be affectionate still, don’t go looking for someone outside the marriage to explore with

11. When the wife is pregnant, you can still explore sex positions that are comfortable for her. In fact, many couples are most creative during this time

12. Mombasa Raha, Doggy style, Missionary, Wheelbarrow, Kifua ya mende.. There are lots of sex positions, you two can form your own and even call them your own unique names

13. Some women prefer missionary because of the eye contact, it makes them feel special. Some prefer cow girl because it makes her feel she has more power and control

14. Some sex positions keep the man erect for longer because of the view he has of the woman’s body. Erections work with visuals, moaning sounds and penis tip stimulation

15. Sex positions can also be great work outs. Sometimes the gym you need are acrobatic sex positions that make you sweat

16. Sex positions are an eventful experience. If the experiences are good, you will keep coming back for more from each other

17. Don’t limit yourselves to the bed. You can use the floor, the carpet, the shower, the seat to explore

18. Don’t lose the desire to sexually please each other in marriage. It is unfortunate when you are married but have great desire to explore sex positions with another person, not your spouse

19. Whenever you two try a new sex position, review it. Tell each other how it was so that you know if you drop it, keep doing it or improve on it

20. Remember you have a limited time to enjoy each other’s body before post menopause and aging checks in. Make memories now to look back and remember in old age

SIGNS THAT YOUR MARRIAGE IS BEING SPIRITUALLY ATTACKED

1. Like Job’s family, you suddenly undergo a string of losses

2. You two lose the fervency and passion to pray. Prayer becomes a struggle

3. You go through unexplainable health challenges yet you have both been living a healthy life

4. Like Job’s wife. You are tempted to be angry with God because you have been living in the ways of God yet suddenly suffering

5. You two become divided. When the enemy attacks he sows discord

6. You two become isolated as a couple. Suddenly you lose the networks of quality people who can support you and strengthen you

7. Depression can easily check in. One of you or both of you loses the joy in doing things they used to love to do. Even marriage loses its freshness. Depressed people don’t make good spouses

8. You don’t recognize each other any more. One or both of you has gone off character. They are no longer themselves

9. You two start fighting each other instead of fighting together. The unity that the Holy Spirit brought to your marriage is replaced by competition and accusations

10. You two no longer have peace. A heavy cloud looms over your marriage

WHY WOULD YOUR MARRIAGE BE ATTACKED?

1. Marriage is God’s idea; the enemy doesn’t like healthy marriages

2. You two are a powerful force that the enemy wishes to stop. Two are better than one for they have a better reward for their labour

3. Broken marriages often lead to broken homes leading to broken societies

4. To get you two so preoccupied with issues you have no time to fulfill individual and collective purpose

5. To hurt the children by getting the husband and wife to hurt each other

6. Your destiny is great and will impact many souls. The enemy will seek to stop it

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS BEING ATTACKED

1. Remember that your spouse is not your enemy (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. ~ Ephesians 6:12)

2. Attack your spouse’s sin without attacking him/her (the sinner)

3. Don’t stop praying together as a couple. Don’t give the enemy a foot hold

4. Force yourselves to pray even when you don’t feel like it

5. Go for counselling if need be to gain knowledge on how to address the issue. The enemy loves it when you walk in ignorance and charged up emotions. God’s people are perishing due to lack of knowledge

6. Don’t react when you two are being attacked. Don’t make irrational choices or statements

7. Worship. Call upon the name of the Lord. Bring every thought captive to the Lord. Surrender to the Holy Spirit

8. Repent so that the enemy has no ammunition to attack you with

9. Declare. Speak victory over your family

10. Don’t side with the enemy in attacking your marriage and your spouse

11. Protect your children from the storms you two are facing

12. Refuse to be isolated. Plug in to a community that can be a support system

13. Remember attacks are seasonal. They come and go. Just like in Job’s case; this too shall pass and your latter days will be greater than the former

DON’T OPEN DOORS THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

1. THE DOOR OF GOSSIP

Don’t allow gossip to shape your marriage. If you are busy listening to what others are saying about marriage in today’s society, the opposite gender or even your spouse; you will lose direction

2. THE DOOR OF THIRD PARTIES

Keep off external influences. Yes, even your parents, siblings and friends can ruin your marriage. Put boundaries. This is between you and your spouse

3. THE DOOR OF CULTURE

Don’t allow unhelpful culture to come destroy what you two have. Unhelpful culture is the one which goes against love and favours one party over the other

4. THE DOOR OF AFFAIRS

Close the door to extramarital affairs. It will jeopardize your union, shift attention and make you miss out on the best of your marriage

5. THE DOOR OF HARMFUL HABITS

Be aware of your weaknesses and temptations. Habits such as drinking, pornography, partying that you have been so used to can wreck havoc to your home

6. THE DOOR OF ANOTHER CONFIDANT

Don’t open up to another more than your spouse. Don’t have someone out there who you are more free with and who you are more emotionally intimate with; it will render your spouse useless since you have someone filling the void

7. THE DOOR OF SINGLEHOOD BEHAVIOUR

Once you get married, act married. Close the door to singlehood. The season of thinking only about you and no accountability is over

8. THE DOOR OF BAD ADVICE

Many people will have an opinion about your marriage. They will tell you all sorts of suggestions when your marriage is doing well and also when challenged. Keep off bad counsel

9. THE DOOR OF PRIDE

As you succeed in life and gain achievements and outsiders praise you, don’t let it go to your head. Marriage requires humility. Pride comes before your fall and subsequently, affecting your union

10. THE DOOR OF THE EX

Whoever you loved in the past should stay there – in the past. Close that door. And if you and an ex are co-parenting, have clear boundaries and be transparent to your spouse

If you have opened any of these doors. Close them