Alot of things can make a grown up go through stress or depression; such as pregnancy,  post-pregnancy, loss of a job, financial difficulties, loss of a child, collapse of a business, sickness, loss of a loved one, a traumatic experience, the remembrance of a traumatic experience or the receiving of tragic news. So how do love such a spouse?

1. Remember we all have low moments in life

2. Remember we all deal with difficult moments differently. Do not make your spouse’s experience look petty

3. Find out what is making your spouse stressed or depressed. Recall, when did your spouse start looking anxious, worried, unenthusiastic, irritable, deflated or disinterested with life?

4. Expect your spouse to push you away but be stubborn in your love. People who are stressed or depressed often withdraw because they are growing hopeless, they don’t want to be around positive people who speak of solutions, they want to drown alone, failing to realize that as they drown, they are taking their loved ones with them. So be stubborn in your love. Even when your spouse doesn’t want to be loved, love him/her. Don’t walk away just because your spouse says “Leave me alone”

5. Don’t force conversations but be available. Don’t insist on your spouse to talk about what is bothering them, it may be difficult or he/she may not be ready. But be available, be present. Have conversations about other things, maybe eventually your spouse will talk

6. Listen. When your spouse eventually opens up, do more of listening than advising. Choose your words carefully. Speak with a tone of love

7. Step up where your spouse is falling short. Stressed or depressed people often are less involved.  They may not be active as parents, they may forget to do some things, they may lack the motivation to follow up on responsibilities; step up and fill the gap as a spouse and as a parent

8. Serve your spouse. Go out of your way to take care of your spouse. Make for your spouse tea, tidy up after your spouse, send your spouse some money without him/her asking.. It is the simple things like this that touch your spouse and gives you access to your spouse

9. Cover your spouse especially to your children, family and friends. You are the one who knows what your spouse is going through, you have seen your spouse’s tears. Help the children understand mom/dad will be OK. Don’t bad mouth your spouse saying things like “Aaah!  He/she is so lazy these days, I am tired of living with that difficult person”

10. Remind your spouse of the good days, especially the silly ones. Remind your spouse of the memories that warm the heart, talk about how you used to do silly things, be a clown, let your spouse laugh at you and with you. Go through past videos and photos

11. Offer an alternative to illusions. Some people turn to alcohol or pornography when they are stressed or depressed. Offer an alternative to this by making sure your spouse finds a high moment while with you. Be good company so that your spouse doesn’t turn to these illusions

12. Don’t add on to your spouse’s stress. This is not the time to bring new drama and more fights. Overlook some things.  Be peaceful

13. Affirm your spouse. Remind your spouse of how much he/she means to you. Depressed or stressed people doubt their worth or the value they add, that is why so many contemplate or attempt suicide

14. Pray with and for your spouse. Let God do the things only God can do

15. Be patient. Don’t rush your spouse to find healing

16. Progressively bring about solutions as you give your spouse control. Paint for your spouse a bright future, start coming up with actions, support your spouse as you spouse slowly gets back on their feet. Encourage your spouse to seek counseling if need be

17. Celebrate your spouse’s progress. Find more positive things to talk about, move past the negative

18. Ask yourself, how would you have wanted your spouse to love you and handle you had you been the one who is stressed or depressed? Do to your spouse what you’d want your spouse to do to you

©Cantona Group