About three weeks ago, I was returning from the market and was passing through a street, where a husband and a wife were fighting.

The fight was so serious that they were making use of weapons. In fact, I had to collect one of the weapons the wife wanted to use on her husband before I heard that another person had died from domestic violence.

I don’t know the cause of the problem but fighting was definitely not the way to handle the problem. Husbands and wives are supposed to be best of friends, besties, partners, playmates, gist mates, lovers etc.

So, it hurts me when I see couples quarrel like long-time enemies. This is not the plan of God. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. This is not to say that couples won’t have conflicts or disagreements. Of course, there will be conflicts and disagreements once in a while.

As a matter of fact, any couple that doesn’t have conflicts or disagreements once in a while maybesweepg issues under the carpet and pretend. The way a couple handles conflicts is what makes all the difference. It will either make or mar the marriage.

Unfortunately, many couples lack conflict management skills. They don’t know how to handle conflicts and this has worsened some situations. So, in this article, I want to look at how couples can manage conflicts in their marriages.

1. What is conflict?
   Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined conflict as the following;
   ✅ A strong disagreement between people, groups, etc., that results in often angry arguments.
   ✅ A difference that prevents agreement.
   ✅ A disagreement between ideas, feelings, etc.

So conflict is a disagreement between two people or groups, between ideas or feelings. In other words, conflict is when a couple has a different opinion regarding an issue and this leads to arguments, disagreements and sometimes fighting as in the case of the couple in our story.

2. What is conflict management?
   Conflict management is the act or skill of managing conflicts. That is, it’s to manage conflicts in a way that brings about positive results.
3. Sources of conflicts
   Conflicts occur when there is misalignment or incompatibility in the value system, convictions, personality, ambitions, orientations, etc. When there’s no alignment in any of these areas, conflict is bound to happen.
4. Results Of Conflicts
   ✅It has plunged many couples into fighting like the couple in the story.
   ✅It has blown little problems out of proportion.
   ✅It has led to the end of many marriages.
   ✅Sadly, it has also led to the untimely death of many.
5. How to handle conflicts
   ✅ Listen to yourselves
   When a couple quarrels, they hardly listen. They just shout on top of each other. You have to learn to listen to yourself.

Listen to understand your partner’s point of view, when you understand the area your partner is coming from, that may be the end of the conflict.

Don’t listen to defend yourself, listen to understand your partner, his or her feelings, fears, concerns, wants, desires, opinions etc.

✅ Compromise
If you must be successful in marriage, then you must learn how to compromise. It is very critical to the survival and continuity of a marriage.

What does it mean to compromise?
It means to give up something that you want to reach an agreement. In other words, it is a way of reaching agreement in which each person

Or a group gives up something that was wanted to end an argument or dispute. Compromise also means to find a meeting place, that is, to meet in the middle.

For instance, the husband is standing at POINT A and he wants his wife to come to that point to meet him but on the other hand, the wife who is standing at POINT C wants the husband to come and meet her at that point.

None of them wants to leave their point to meet the other person. Consequently, they decided to meet in the middle, which is POINT B. In compromise, you must give up or sacrifice part of what you want for peace to reign.

In the illustration above, the husband and wife had to leave their points to meet in the middle. If none of them was willing to leave, conflict would continue and that may lead to the end of the marriage. “In marriage, it is never ‘having my way.’ It is rather discovering “our way,” says Gary Chapman.

✅ Sacrifice your wants or desires
As I said before, conflict occurs when what a couple wants is different, when there is no alignment in their ideas or feelings, when there are two different options etc.

Now, another way to handle conflict is to sacrifice your own opinion to follow the opinion of your partner. It is to eliminate your own wants and desires.

In other words, it is to allow your partner to have his or her own way. When you eliminate your ideas, opinions, desires, wants etc., conflict will end.

In marriage, sometimes you will have it your way, sometimes your partner will have it his or her way and sometimes, nobody will have its way. Then, you people will have to compromise, to meet in the middle.

✅ Allow a third party to mediate
This is why it is important for a couple to discuss beforehand the person they are going to meet when they have a conflict that both of them cannot handle.

Sometimes, there are going to be situations that will be beyond the couple to handle themselves, they will need a third party to set things right.

A third party is someone other than the two of you who is neutral. It can be your pastor, a marriage counsellor or the two families.

A third party listens to both sides of the story, points out where each person is faulted and makes suggestions and recommendations. So allow a third party to mediate when it seems the both of you cannot handle the situation.

In conclusion, I want to remind you that a couple having disagreement or conflict is normal but how a couple handles disagreements or conflict makes all the difference. Stop quarrelling and fighting like enemies. Settle matters like responsible adults. Thanks for read

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